tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

that would be my boyfriend. he’s imaginary AND inanimate. the best of both worlds, really.

The worst lip-syncing of all time. But hands down the best outfit.

It’s Saturday

Ladies. I’ve discovered a great new way to burn calories. All you have to do is lie awake in bed at night worrying about how you’re going to die alone. Try it, it works.

It’s Wednesday

Is it Italian ladies who don’t shave under their arms? Because I’m thinking I must be part Italian. At least my armpits are probably Italian.

As if the indignity of being killed and having sawdust stuffed up your butt wasn’t enough.

As if the indignity of being killed and having sawdust stuffed up your butt wasn’t enough.

Living the dream. Mama mia - I think that last note burst something behind my left eyeball. AND I’ve wet my pants. But that last bit probably has nothing to do with the hilarity of this video.

It’s Monday

The best part about my cat dying is that I’m no longer coughing up hairballs. And also, my imaginary boyfriend is no longer fucking my cat.

It’s Sunday

Off to Sunday brunch with my imaginary boyfriend. Jealous much?

It’s Saturday

I’ve decided that today I will just be natural. Crust is nature’s dirt barrier.